The Spirit rover. Image Credit: NASA/JPL-Caltech.

The Spirit rover. Image Credit: NASA/JPL-Caltech.

NASA’s Mars rovers are still chugging along on the red planet. The missions, originally planned to be about 90 days, have in fact lasted longer than a single term presidency. To put it another way, Opportunity and Spirit have been on Mars longer than the subjective time one would experience watching a single Michael Bey movie.

Both of the rovers are showing the signs of age, but after five straight years trundling around an alien planet this is to be expected. New Frontier News owned a car built in the United States once, and it broke down in only three years.

Some sources say this breakdown occurred because of New Frontier News’ habit of feeding it candy by way of the gas tank, but we prefer to believe it was because the car had been designed and built by a short-sighted, profit driven American car company, rather than by NASA.

Could NASA build a better car than Detroit? According to prominent NASA scientist and nerd defender Melvin G. Punymeyer*, the answer is an emphatic and teutonically accented yes.

Melvin G. Punymeyer, prominent NASA scientist.

Melvin G. Punymeyer, prominent NASA scientist.

“Yah, we would totally ROCK at making cars,” said Dr. Punymeyer in an exclusive interview with New Frontier News.** “Each one would come equipped with detachable SRBs and a laser cannon. We at NASA have been waiting for the President to ask about them, but so far he’s been busy.”

For more information – oh, who are we kidding? For ANY information on the Mars Rovers, please visit nasa.gov/rovers.

*Please God, don’t let there be an actual NASA scientist named this or New Frontier News could be in real trouble. Thanking you in advance, despite never having worshipped or believed in you in anyway, your pal, New Frontier News.

**It’s difficult for other news outlets to get interviews with people we’ve made up. We bet this is how WorldNutDaily does it.

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