If NASA won’t name a module after you, at least you might get the standard consolation prize: a space treadmill. That was the message from Stephen Colbert in a special commentary on NASA TV. Colbert’s clip is part of NASA TV’s coverage of STS-128. Discovery is set to launch August 25, 2009 at 1:38 am EDT.

In addition to talking about the new Combined Operational Load Bearing External Resistance Treadmill (COLBERT) that will be going to the ISS aboard Discovery, Colbert also congratulated NASA on the organization’s many scientific achievements over the past year:

“Dramatic pictures of Cassini, finding water on mars, and your dramatic discovery of finding an administration that believes in science,” said the host of Comedy Central’s Colbert Report. He also encouraged NASA to launch a probe to discover if there’s oil in heaven.

colbert-patchStephen Colbert encouraged his viewers to submit his name as a write-in candidate after NASA asked members of the public to give their input into what the new module of the ISS would be named. Although denied the honor of having a module with his name on it, Colbert did have the aforementioned treadmill named after him, and also the nifty mission patch shown at right.

Isn't this pretty? It may have killed a bunch of very nice aliens. Image credit: X-ray: NASA/CXC/Penn State/S.Park et al.; Optical: Pal.Obs. DSS

Isn't this pretty? It may have killed a bunch of very nice aliens. Image credit: X-ray: NASA/CXC/Penn State/S.Park et al.; Optical: Pal.Obs. DSS

As regular readers of New Frontier News know, outer space is essentially large stretches of nothing studded with beautiful things that are trying to kill you. This is especially true in the case of stars.

All forms of stellar phenomena are impressive, but for many of us the most mind boggling are supernovas. This is because regular novas are boring and hypernovas are trying too hard. Also, supernovas make gold. Really. All gold, anywhere, was born in the flaming heart of a supernova.

Below you’ll find some of the most dazzlingly beautiful (and deadly) pieces of eye candy humanity has ever found.

As always with astronomical images featured on New Frontier News, please click to embiggen.

Supernova Survivor

This artist’s depiction shows a double star system. The star on the left is a red supergiant that’s making boom boom, after having transferred about 10 solar masses of hydrogen to its blue companion. The blue star was the first supernova survivor ever found.

Image Credit: European Space Agency and Justyn R. Maund (University of Cambridge)

Image Credit: European Space Agency and Justyn R. Maund (University of Cambridge)

Kepler’s Remnant

This is a composite image compiled by three space telescopes; Chandra (X-rays), Hubble (visible light), and Spitzer (infrared). There’s actually some history behind this image. Four hundred years ago, astronomer Johannes Kepler got the living crap surprised out of him by a new star in the sky. The telescope hadn’t been invented yet, so Kepler and his astronomer buddies had to observe it with the naked eye, and were deprived of the awesome power and beauty we see below. In your face, Kepler! Telescopes were invented about four years later, but they still wouldn’t have shown Kepler anything like the image below.

Image Credit: R. Sankrit and W. Blair, ESA, NASA.

Image Credit: R. Sankrit and W. Blair, ESA, NASA.

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The new propellant also had its own TV show from 1976 to 1985.

The new propellant also had its own TV show from 1976 to 1985.

NASA and the Air Force Office of Scientific Research (AFOSR) have announced that they have successfully launched a small rocket using a propellant made up of aluminum powder and water ice.

The fuel, called ALICE, is environmentally-friendly. According to the same NASA press release that we got that last bit from, it’s also safe. Presumably NASA means that it’s safe when  compared with other rocket fuels. You probably still shouldn’t try to eat it.

NASA’s Chief Engineer was quick to give part of the credit to crazy college kids.

“This collaboration has been an opportunity for graduate students to work on an environmentally-friendly propellant that can be used for flight on Earth and used in long distance space missions,” said NASA Chief Engineer Mike Ryschkewitsch at NASA Headquarters in Washington. “These sorts of university-led experimental projects encourage a new generation of aerospace engineers to think outside of the box and look at new ways for NASA to meet our exploration goals.”

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Artist's conception of Gliese 581 d.

Artist's conception of Gliese 581 d.

Do you remember that scene in Contact, where it turns out the first broadcast aliens received from Earth was of Adolph Hitler? Well, Australia’s COSMOS Magazine has decided to lower Earth’s galactic credibility even further by beaming a bunch of text messages at some aliens they hope might exist and be listening. They’ve even somehow roped NASA into the deal.

The Pioneer probes carry space porn, and instructions on where to find more. Image Credit: NASA.

The Pioneer probes carry space porn, and instructions on where to find more. Image Credit: NASA.

It’s not like this is the first time NASA has gone out of its way to send messages to possibly non-existent (and possibly hostile) aliens. The Pioneer 10 and Pioneer 11 probes are both carrying aluminum plaques that not only show aliens how to get here, but also that we’re really into porn.Voyagers 1 and 2 carry the famous golden records, as well as instructions and equipment for playing them back. The records have greetings in many different languages, nature sounds, and over 115 images. New Frontier News was unable to find out if those were also porn.

On August 23, 2009, NASA’s Tidbinbilla radio telescope will send a really, really, really long text message to Gliese 581d, a rocky “Super-Earth” orbiting a dim red dwarf star roughly 20.3 light years away. Of all the planets discovered outside our solar system so far, Gliese 581d has the best chance of having liquid water, and thus life.

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It sometimes seems as if humanity has gotten a bit cocky about exploring the big deep. Probes have explored a lot of the solar system, and Hubble and the other space based telescopes have vastly expanded our view and understanding of the cosmos.

With over 560 satellites currently circling the Earth, it’s not surprising that simply putting something into orbit just doesn’t impress the average idiot-on-the-street anymore. The lesson is clear. Do the impossible once, you’re a hero. Do it a zillion times, and they’ll pre-empt your time slot for reruns of American Idol.

The early satellites impressed people in ways the post-Apollo generation doesn’t really understand. For many years, space travel was considered by most people to be a ridiculous fantasy. With the launch of Sputnik 1 by the Soviet Union, all that changed. New Frontier News is pleased to present our take on the satellites launched by the first three nations into space.

Sputnik cartoon NFNSputnik 1

Built by: USSR

Operated for: 22 days

Orbited for: 92 days

Sputnik-1 was launched on October 4, 1957. It was pretty light on gear by today’s standards, or even compared to Sputnik-2, which at least had a couple of photometres and a dog. This doesn’t diminish the singular achievement of being the first in space. Sputnik 1 taught us things about our planet, including data on the density of the upper atmosphere and distribution of radio signals in the atmosphere.

More Stuff:

“Space Age at 50: The Top 10 Sputniks” is a great article at collectSPACE.com on the backup units and replicas of the first satellite.

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NASA’s Opportunity rover is currently looking at a rock the size of a watermelon. The NASA release says it’s a large watermelon, but we’re not sure what standard they’re using, so New Frontier News isn’t making that comparison. You never know where you stand with watermelons.

The other day New Frontier News went to the grocery store for an advertised special on “Large, seedless watermelons” that turned out to be the size of softballs. Man, that makes New Frontier News mad. Anyway, where were we? Oh yeah, the rock.

You’re probably asking “So what is the big deal?” If so, you have a hell of a lot of nerve. Would NASA issue a press release because they found a boring, ordinary rock? No. Would a respected astrojournalistic site like New Frontier News run a story on it if it were a boring, ordinary rock? Hell no!

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Since being launched in 1999, the Chandra X-ray Observatory has taught us many things about our universe. For example, it has given us beautiful pictures of stellar phenomenon that are trying to kill us.

Chandra is one of NASA’s “Great Observatories”, a designation that includes the Hubble Space Telescope, Compton Gamma-Ray Observatory, and Spitzer Space Telescope. Those four space telescopes have outdone Michael Bay in both of his areas of expertise. Black holes, supernovas, and other cosmic phenomena have way better special effects, and pulsars deliver radio blasts of gibberish at incredible levels.

In no particular order, here are our 10 favourite images from Chandra’s first 10 years. Please note that these are composite images, typically put together from several space-based telescopes.

  1. The Cartwheel Galaxy

It’s pictures like this that make us suspect that NASA has been feeding its fleet of robo-scopes some sort of robo-peyote.

It looks kind of like a cartwheel. Image credit: Composite: NASA/JPL/Caltech/P.Appleton et al. X-ray: NASA/CXC/A.Wolter & G.Trinchieri et al.

It looks kind of like a cartwheel. Image credit: Composite: NASA/JPL/Caltech/P.Appleton et al. X-ray: NASA/CXC/A.Wolter & G.Trinchieri et al.

2. The Crescent Nebula

We added this one to the list because of how incredibly tacky it was. Why have we never seen this on a velvet painting at the midway? Don’t worry, though, it will explode in about a hundred thousand years, presumably out of shame after it reads this article.

Image credit: X-ray: NASA/UIUC/Y. Chu & R. Gruendl et al. Optical: SDSU/MLO/Y. Chu et al.

Image credit: X-ray: NASA/UIUC/Y. Chu & R. Gruendl et al. Optical: SDSU/MLO/Y. Chu et al.

3. Star Formation in M33

As a respected provider of high-quality astrojournalism, we at New Frontier News are sometimes asked why astronomers so often use serial numbers instead of easy to remember names. The reason is simple: astronomers hate you, and each other. Various people refer to M33 as the Triangulum Galaxy, the Pinwheel Galaxy, and NGC 598.

Image credit: X-ray: NASA/CXC/CfA/R. Tuellmann et al.; Optical: NASA/AURA/ STScI

Image credit: X-ray: NASA/CXC/CfA/R. Tuellmann et al.; Optical: NASA/AURA/ STScIThis is a view of the largest region of star formation in M33. You’re looking at about 200 very young stars.

4. Supernova Remnant of G292.0+1.8

Look in awe at the sublime beauty of this awesome stellar event, and then feel ashamed because it probably wiped out some very nice civilizations.

Image credit: X-ray: NASA/CXC/Penn State/S.Park et al.; Optical: Pal.Obs. DSS

Image credit: X-ray: NASA/CXC/Penn State/S.Park et al.; Optical: Pal.Obs. DSS

5. NGC 4649 is Dead Inside

NGC 4649 is a giant galaxy about 51 million light years from Earth that contains one of the biggest black holes ever found. The black hole, however, appears to be dormant. Yes, apparently that happens sometimes… Do they fill up or something?

Image credit: X-ray: NASA/CXC/Univ. of California Irvine/P.Humphrey et al. Optical: NASA/STScI

Image credit: X-ray: NASA/CXC/Univ. of California Irvine/P.Humphrey et al. Optical: NASA/STScI

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